Ctrl Shift Negativity

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”yourself to find the silver lining in a situation, your negativity will dissipate”. -Khilal Gibran

Some of us, even though we may not know why, are focused on the negative aspects of life. Do you notice more of the not-so-good elements of your existence rather than focus on the great things happening around you?

Or you might find yourself being negative in certain situations, like only when you’re with your brother or your spouse’s family. Consider the situation that’s triggering your negativity. If you’re consumed with it, then you’re not noticing the positivity and brightness around you. 

Apply these tips when you recognize you’re thinking negatively:

1. Stay in tune with yourself. Are you often disagreeing with others or bringing others down by your negative comments? Watch what you’re saying to others. Reflect on the reason you might want to bring this negativity.

2. Ask yourself, “why.” What are the reasons you’re being negative in the situation? Are you actually a bit envious of your brother because he’s doing so well financially? Maybe you didn’t really feel like visiting your in-laws so you’re directing your negative feelings toward your partner at the moment. 

‣ When you figure out whether your negativity is situation-related or maybe because you’re just not feeling well this day, you’re in a better position to take some steps to control it.

3. Tell yourself to stop the negativity now. Although it sounds overly simple, you’re the only one who can truly decide to stop these thoughts. If it will help, visualize a red octagonal stop sign in your mind’s eye. Focus on the stop sign to arrest those negative thoughts.

4. Recognize. Rarely does anything positive come from your negativity. Plus, those thoughts stand to make you feel worse about whatever situation you’re in. 

‣ When you can say to yourself, “My attitude’s not helping anything,” it shows you recognize the impact of your negativity on yourself and others.

5. Challenge yourself. When you’re in a situation that typically triggers your negativity, focus on finding the positives. You may be surprised at what you discover.

For example, if you have only tepid feelings about spending time with your in-laws, decide to discover something positive about them next time. 

‣ Maybe you share a love for the same type of music or your mother-in-law loves Marlon Brando movies just like you do. When you challenge 

‣ For example, if you have only tepid feelings about spending time with your in-laws, decide to discover something positive about them next time. 

‣ Maybe you share a love for the same type of music or your mother-in-law loves Marlon Brando movies just like you do. When you challenge yourself to find the silver lining in a situation, your negativity will dissipate. 

Only you have the power to flip your world from darkness to brightness. Simply by refusing to take the route of negativity, you’ll discover the magic of your personal strength. When you leave the negative behind, you’ll discover nothing but positive waiting for you. That’s when you know you’ve taken control of your thoughts in the strongest sense.

Would you like to start working on reducing negative thoughts, let’s chat and schedule today.

A companion journal to working on coping with negative thinking is Hey Sis : 40 days of self reflection and encouragement, purchased here.

Be Balanced & Well,

Shayla Peterson, LCSW

Ctrl Shift Feelings

Get unstuffed and stop sticking.  Let's take today to address our feelings and being mindful of our emotions. The goals is to notice and experience our emotions and allow them to come and go naturally. That means sometimes experiencing painful emotions without turning the pain into suffering. Emotional Suffering can be created by stuffing or sticking to our emotions, and that's out of BALANCE.  

When Stuffing our emotions, we bottle up l, ignore and reject your emotions. Emotional Stuffers try to push their emotions away. Just because we stuff or ignore our emotions does make them go away. It causes emotional build up, leading to feeling overwhelm and possible breakdown.  

On the opposite end of the spectrum, is Sticking. When we stick to our feelings, we hold on to emotions and try to keep them around. When we emotional stick, we replay stressful situations and experience the emotions over and over again. Sticking prevent are emotions to natural come and go and never provide them with the opportunity to fade. Thus leading emotions to Stick around longer than hey natural would.  

Create Balance by actually feeling your Feelings. Feeling your feelings serves as a middle group between stuffing and sticking. Trying noticing your feelings without holding on to them. Observe and describe your emotions, your sensations, thoughts and urges. Take note of how intensity comes and go. When a new emotions is ready to come in, let the emotion go and notice the new feeling.

Are you Stuffing or Sticking?

Let’s Chat about your feelings.

Would you like mental wellness tips delivered to your inbox, click here.

With Balance & Wellness,

Shayla

Ctrl Shift Worry (Pandemic Edition)

8 Tips to Overcome Worry and Rumination during a Crisis. 

Our world is in a Public Health Crisis. Our minds are running with some many thoughts, it can be hard to begin to name them and its stressing you out.  On top of that it can be difficult to recognize and express helpful ways of thinking about your current stressors.  Your thoughts may try to tell you that you are helping yourself by worrying & rumination but, on some level we know that it is not helpful. Often we become stuck because we are not sure what to do next.  Your worrying magnifies your stressor by bring up more negative possibilities.  Negative thoughts lead to another negative thought and then you start to feel stressed.   To take it a step further, rumination is a persistent and repetitive worry that is often associated with increase depression and anxiety over time.  Please note that if you are ruminating when you are down, you may begin to feel worse.  It is important now than ever to gain some type of understanding of thoughts and move them in a new direction.  Below are some tools to move you in the direction of recognizing your worry and rumination and started moving towards more helpful thoughts during this time.

1.  The purpose of WORRY is to PLAN. Begin by asking yourself, how helpful is the worry.  Are you actually finding solutions when you worry or finding concrete plan to implement?  Are seeing solutions in a new light or after thinking about the problem you feel, worst.  If you are unable to find new solutions and new perspective and actually feeling worst, then your worrying is considered unhelpful and it is time to focus on somethings else.

2.  Practice thought Stopping.    As soon as you notice yourself worrying or ruminating, begin to visualize a big red STOP sign.  Yell STOP aloud in your and even raise your hand to signal you to STOP.  Or visualize a detour sign, directing you unto a new mental track. 

3. Create a WORRY Corner.   Designate a place in your home or work.  Identify which chair/space will be your worry corner. Give yourself 5 to 10 minutes 2-3 times a day.  Write down the worry in the area.  Leave them there.  Soon your brain will learn to associate your worry corner with worries and all other activities will be associate with the absent of worry.  This activity allow you worry about the pandemic, finance, work, family, health during a control, timed limited way. 

4. Picture it.  Picture your worries as bubbles popping in the air, as leaves floating down the stream or a car driving away into the sunset getting smaller.  This mindfulness technique that can give you distance from your worries.

5. Find an alternative thought.  Focus on a funny image every time you start worrying.  Find a funny image like a Green Horse driving a car.  As soon as start to worry or ruminate, think of your green horse drinking in spotted car.   

6. Playback.  Imagine hearing your worries in an annoying voice of not so favorite character.  I would be highly annoyed hearing my stressors called out by Yosemite Sam from Hannah Barbera Cartoons. 

7. Look for patterns.  For one week, notice and record triggers that make you worry or ruminate (such as talking to anxious person, lying awake in bed, or watching certain TV shows).  Now,  develop alternative positive things to do and way to avoid those triggers.  Avoid the person who response negatively to your problems. If you start to feel negative while lying in bed, get up in 15 minutes and get active versus watching TV. 

8. Interrupt the worry cycle.  This can be done walking around or mindfully checking in with what is happening in your body.  If you notice areas of tension, send some breathe in the area.  Then also label that tension such as “fear,” “anger,” “sadness.”  This can overcome that avoidance with being “in your head” about the pandemic.   

I understand that there are somethings that we don’t have control over at this time.  Watching the media, talking to friends, fears about employment or your business, the state of your families health can naturally increase your worry.  Understand the anxious thoughts about it may around for weeks or months to come, but by increase our awareness and implement of tools we can improve our mental wellness during this public health crisis. 

Be Balanced and Well,

Shayla Peterson

Ctrl Shift Finding Balance

Can you find balance in your life? Some say you can, while others say there is no such thing if you want to be highly successful.

It’s true that many of the most high-profile successful people have anything but balanced lives. But, many of them develop feelings of anxiousness, intense frustration, sad majority of the day, poor concentration an irritation which can appear mimic symptoms of depression and anxiety.  Finding balance can be possible while attaining a high level of success and enjoy all the aspects of your life that mean the most to you.

Find balance with these strategies:

·       Cut back on the non-essentials. If you’re struggling to find balance in your life, a lack of time is the most common issue. Take a look at how you spend your time each week. What are the activities you can do without?

·       Avoid wasting time. Now, consider all the ways you genuinely waste time. This might include watching TV reruns, surfing the internet, or window shopping. The more time you can find in your life to apply to the things that matter, the more balanced you can make your life.

·       Set your priorities. Know what balance means to you. What are the most important things in your life? If you know your priorities, you can put your time to the best possible use.

·       Focus on your health. Giving your health a high level of priority can help to balance everything else. If your health is important, you’ll find the time and energy to eat properly and to exercise. You’ll get enough sleep. Placing importance on your health can help prevent the rest of your life from getting out of control.

·       Plan your time. Have a plan for your week and each day. Know how you’re going to spend your day before the day arrives. That way, you can make the most of your time. The more you can accomplish with your time, the more your life can be in balance.

·       Focus on the most important tasks. There are a lot of things you could work on each day, but there are only a few that will make a big difference. These tasks usually aren’t the most fun, but they’ll save you the most time. You can’t major in the minor things if you want to be successful and have a balanced life.

·       Review consistently. Life is dynamic, so even if you’re able to create a balanced life, it won’t stay that way forever. Keep your finger on the pulse of your life. Look for ways to improve. Notice when things are starting to get out of control again.

·       Have reasonable expectations. There’s only so much you can do. If you’re trying to create a multi-billion-dollar company and train for marathons, you’re not going to have much family time. On the other hand, if you want to spend every minute with your children and spouse, other areas of your life may suffer.

A balanced life is sometimes hard to master. When you’re an adult with a family, it’s hard to find time for everything. When you’re older and your children have moved out, it can be a challenge to find meaning in your life. Life is always a challenge to balance properly, but with identifying what is in your control and shifting your perspective it is possible.

You must decide for yourself what it means to have a balanced life and what works for you.  Honestly, it is not always easy and it may require more planning.  Ctrl Shift Balance Mental Wellness can assist in your creating your balance.

Wishing you Balance & Wellness,

Shayla Peterson, LCSW, LISW-CP