Ctrl Shift AuthentIcity
Being your authentic self can feel risky now in our screen-obsessed world. We’re just trying to fit in, be liked, and be accepted by other human beings. And as a result, the image we present (on our social media profiles and IRL) have become mere presentations of who we think we should be and not reflections of who we really are. So how do we take off the mask we've been wearing and start to live a life of authenticity?
1. Observe yourself objectively
Learn to observe yourself like a fly on the wall. Watch yourself, observing how the version of yourself that you show the world behaves, what it believes, how it reacts under pressure, and how it responds to challenges. Practice noticing which of these responses feel authentic, and which ones feel inauthentic. By identifying which responses are just “for show” vs authentic, you can begin to notice the falseness and begin to better see the truth underneath.
2. Examine family belief systems
Think back to episodes in your childhood, episodes that led you to stop being your authentic self and instead adopt some other way of existing in this world. By examining where our behaviors come from, we can learn a lot about our authentic selves.
3. Identify discrepancies
Try to become aware of discrepancies between your actions and your beliefs. If you catch yourself making a remark that makes you cringe, ask yourself whether you really believe the words you speak. Are you just saying these things because someone else taught you to?
If you acknowledge what is true for you now, then you can better live your life according to the needs of your Authentic Self. But that kind of authenticity requires self-awareness and self-honesty.
4. Examine your doubts
When exploring your Authentic Self, you may feel unsure of how to go about it. You may question whether it's even possible to change what feels so deeply ingrained within you or is invisible to you. So keep an eye out for feelings of doubt.
Doubts can be like breadcrumbs that lead you to your Authentic Self. If you doubt something—a thought, behavior, emotion, experience—reflect for a moment to find whatever is underneath. Is your Authentic Self trying to tell it to "stop it?"
5. Face your fears
Humans tend to be most comfortable with what is familiar. The unfamiliar is often challenging, at least at first. Examining your core beliefs can be like exploring a foreign landscape you are unfamiliar with.
Our Authentic Self often has a lot of fear, sadness, and anger—our true selves were hurt and that's why they hide. However, the difficult secrets we hide from ourselves are what make us who we really are. So as much as possible, and as slowly as you need to, courageously explore the truth of what makes you who you are. Identifying, experiencing, accepting, and letting go of these buried emotions is exactly what fuels your Authentic Self.
6. Explore your values
Integrity, ethics, and living our values is an effective way to live more authentically. The trouble comes when we are so far from our Authentic Selves that we do not even know what our values are. So explore your values and figure out some ways to start living them.
7. Love yourself
Because it takes self-love for our Authentic Selves to emerge, embedding more love and compassion for yourself is helpful. One way to increase your self-love is to set aside some time aside to take numerous deep breaths each day. You can add this into an existing meditation practice if you like.
Slowly deepen your breathe and when you are feeling fully relaxed and receptive, call love to yourself from your environment. Imagine each breath infused with loving energy. Whether as balls of energy, or bursts, or rays of light and love, invite love to enter your body via your breath. Draw love into your lungs and disperse it throughout your body, or send it directly to your Authentic Self. Keep breathing consciously until you feel the lightening and lifting energy of these "love breaths."
Once filled with love, share some of it with friends or loved ones. Sending love to others tends to expand the love within!
With Alignment & Authenticity,
Shayla Peterson, LCSW, LISW-CP
Ctrl Shift Lies
You're Lying to Yourself: Don't Believe Everything You Think.
Have you become a master at fooling yourself. Your brain knows what to tell you so you can justify to yourself taking the comfortable path through life. Your capacity to deceive yourself is almost unlimited. Unfortunately, these lies come home to roost eventually. There's a price to be paid for believing a lie. You've been paying it for years.
FREE yourself from the lies you tell yourself. Check out the top 8 lies that you may be telling yourself on a regular basis.
1. I must wait for the perfect moment to act. This is just an excuse to procrastinate. When this lie runs through your head, ask yourself what you're afraid of. You can be certain you're avoiding something. It may be the fear of failure or the fear of hard work. Ask yourself what you're avoiding and why.
2. I don't feel like it. This one might be the truth, but it's irrelevant. If it needs to be done, it needs to be done. If you only do things when you feel like doing them, many things will never be completed properly. If you wait until the eventual time crunch forces you to act, your results will be poorer than if you had acted sooner.
3. I lack the right personality to do what I want to do. Perhaps your dream is to be a standup comedian but you feel you're too introverted. There are successful people in every possible field you can imagine with completely different personalities. You can be an extroverted librarian or an introverted politician. It's easy to find successful people with the "wrong" personality for their field.
4. I'll do it tomorrow. How many times have you told yourself that one? How many times were you wrong? In most cases, you're putting it off because the thought of doing it now makes you uncomfortable. That's unlikely to change tomorrow. Have the courage to tackle it right now and get it off your back. Think about how much better you'll feel after it's done.
5. I must follow the rules. There's a difference between laws and rules. Breaking a law can land you in jail. Breaking a rule might make someone upset. The most successful people have managed to break the rules in a positive way. When everyone follows the rules, nothing changes.
6. People that care about me should agree with me. Do you always agree with them? You should be able to expect the people that care about you to support you. There's no reason why they should always agree with you. Be confident in your decisions.
7. Being busy means I'm getting things done. We've all lived days full of activity where little was accomplished. Accomplishing a lot requires spending time and effort on the right activities. It's easy to spin your wheels and wear yourself out with little to show for it.
8. I should always be able to enjoy my life. This might be possible in theory, but most of us aren't enlightened enough live this reality today. Bad things happen and must be managed. Enjoying your life doesn't excuse the need to take care of your business. You'll have days without enough time to enjoy yourself. You might have to give the dog a bath even though you'd rather watch the ball game. Everyone lies to themselves. Fooling yourself is one of the easier things you do each day, but when you deny your own truth, you limit your potential. Recognize the damage done by the lies you tell yourself. They might bring you comfort today, but you'll pay for them tomorrow with your discomfort.
Be Well and Balance,
Shayla Peterson