Ctrl Shift overWhelmEd

Ever had days where everything just feels a little bit too much? Days where it all feels so consuming and you feel like you can’t get anything done? 

As we get older, we find ourselves buried in a never-ending list of priorities, to-dos, commitments, and responsibilities. And this is where the feeling of overwhelm sets in.

Most of us have been there. And it is in no way because we’re weak. It’s only because overwhelm is something we all feel at some point in our lives and that’s okay.

So what can we do the next time we get caught up with overwhelm?

Pause

This may seem a bit flawed when you have five deadlines to meet by the end of the week, but still. It is so important to create sacred boundaries around your time.

Carve out even just 15 minutes of your time to PAUSE. Take a step back from everything and go have a cup of coffee, take a walk, go for a short drive. 

Oftentimes, overwhelm comes from feeling like we have no time. The truth is, we are more in control of our time than we think.

Refocus

A common cause of feeling overwhelmed is because there’s usually a lot going on inside our heads. When overwhelm sets in, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s most important. Instead of trying to do everything at once, take a moment to get clear on what’s most important to you.

There are many reasons why we feel overwhelmed and one of them is the lack of clarity on what we want. Be clear with your priorities and WHY you are doing them. You’ll find yourself focusing on the right things.

Say “no” more

It’s about time you learn to stop putting so many things on your plate. Saying no is one strong foundation of creating healthy boundaries. You can’t be all things at once. Always remember to leave room for yourself.

When asked to take on a project, carefully think about whether you can deliver on that “yes”. Also, be honest — to the person, but mostly to yourself.

Let perfectionism go

One of the most persistent types of overwhelm is feeling like we can never get anything done. But in reality, it’s all because we expect so much of ourselves. We set standards so high that nothing we do feels enough. 

More often than not, we find ourselves constantly trying to do more in the chase of perfection. But all that does is lead us to extreme overwhelm and exhaustion. Let perfectionism go and start working smartly instead.

Create systems for your work, try new technologies, leverage your time by organizing and delegating tasks. Anything that can help you sort through whatever it is you have on your plate, do it. 

Overwhelm is… something we can never avoid. But it is something we can have control over. Learn to figure out what’s driving you to overwhelm in the first place so you can get around it and understand better how to work on it. 

If you want to share your story and talk about more ways you can overcome overwhelm, schedule a consultation with me.

With Balance & Wellness,

Shayla Peterson, LCSW, LISW-CP

Ctrl Shift Resilience

Last Sunday, I got a chance to be a panelist with 5 other accomplished professionals with Queen of Resilience SIP and SPEAK 2021. Can you image what theme focused on….RESILIENCE. It was amazing to hear several stories on how both men and women made a pivot during this era. Whew chile, 2020 was year of redefining what BALANCE looked liked. With increasing demands of work, becoming a home school parent, cancelling travel plans and moving to new state, there were days that were a struggle to say the least. I’ve learned that although it has been a struggle, it how we react to the struggle that matters. I want to share with you that it is possible to change the way that you reactive to negative circumstances.

Resilience is that amazing skill that helps you recover quickly from difficulties. If you are resilient, then when life knocks you down, you bounce back and you keep going. Sometimes life's challenges can even make you stronger.

So how do you become a more resilient person?

1. Reframe Your Catastrophic thinking

Catastrophic thinking is when we expect the worst possible outcome in a situation. For example, you may have lost your job and now believe that you will never be successful, and everyone will think you’re a failure forever. This may sound extreme. Most of us don’t catastrophize quite this much, but many of us do sometimes believe that the worst possible outcomes will come true. Although being aware of possible negative outcomes can be helpful for planning ahead, when we believe the worst will come true, we set ourselves up for unnecessary stress and poor resilience.

One way to break this thought pattern is to wear a pendant or carry a stone or other small object with you. Every time you find yourself imaging the worst — about a person, situation, or outcome — analyze the object. Name it’s color, shape, and details. This is just the right amount of distraction to help you calm down. 

2. Recognize your Automatic Negative Thoughts

Often when bad things happen, we get stuck thinking about negative outcomes. We repeatedly think about what we could have done differently in the past, or how we are going to mess up again in the future. We ruminate on these events, because we mistakenly believe that thinking about our hardships over and over again will help us solve them. Unfortunately, negative thought cycles just get us caught up in our thoughts, instead of taking the actions we need to move forward.

To put an end to these negative thought cycles, which have become well-worn pathways in our brains, we need to short-circuit our thoughts mid-cycle. To do this, we can create a behavioral break or an action plan for what we’ll do when our negative thought cycles get going. 

Exercise seems to be a really effective behavioral break. But if exercise isn’t possible (maybe you’re at work or with other people), try to do something else that uses both your mind and your body. For example, you could excuse yourself for five minutes to practice slow deep breathing. Deep breathing helps activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which can both calm you and reduce your stress levels.

3. Stand up to your fear.

Unfortunately, many of us avoid failure at all costs. We do so, because we are afraid of failure; we worry that people will think poorly of us if we fail, and we feel ashamed when we fail. But by treating failure like a disease to be avoided, we never give ourselves a chance to overcome challenges and practice resilience. As a result, we prevent ourselves from becoming more resilient. So how do you conquer your fear of failure so that you can start building resilience?

If you think failure is a threat, like many of us do, your body will prepare for a fight — and you’ll feel like you’re in a battle. On the other hand, if you choose to view doing something hard, something you could fail at, as a challenge, then you're more likely to think you are capable of handling it. As a bonus, when you view things that you could possibly fail at as challenges, you actually will be more capable and less likely to fail at them. 

To build this “challenge mindset,” reflect on past challenges that you’ve overcome. Let's say you're worried about starting a new job. Take a moment to think back to other goals you’ve achieved. Remind yourself that you have been successful at things in the past, even small things. When you remind yourself that you have succeeded before, you can help shift towards a challenge mindset.

Next, visualized success. By imagining yourself doing well, you shift your mindset to do well. On the other hand, if you ruminate about what could go wrong, your fear builds, and the failure you fear becomes more likely. Keep in mind that even if you are able to shift your brain to stop seeing something as a threat, you may feel nervousness or anxiety, but you'll also experience positive physiological changes that can help you make better use of these negative emotions. If you want additional support in this area, download Overcome your Fear to gain additional tools.

4. Explore the benefits

Part of what makes challenges challenging is that we become myopic and only focus on the bad without seeing the good. So how do you find the benefits of failure?

Plenty of smart folks will tell you that you should reflect on your failures right after you experience them. But negative emotions can cloud your thinking. If you are still feeling upset about a failure, it may be harder to see the benefits or come up with effective solutions. If this practice is new to you, an easier way to start finding the benefits of challenges may be to look at past challenges — challenges that you're no longer upset about. By practicing finding the benefits of past challenges, you can strengthen this ability so that it is easier to find the benefits next time.

How have you been able to bounce back in this season?

With Balance & Wellness,

Shayla

Ctrl Shift Adulting

How Do You Adult?

3 Quick Strategies when dealing with Adulting & Anxiety

‘Adulting’ – how exactly do you do it? 

It’s weird, isn’t it? We all age without much effort. ‘Adulting’ isn’t something that comes naturally to a lot of us. Becoming an adult, however you define it, doesn’t happen overnight. It requires continuous learning. Not just learning how to be a ‘real’ adult, but also learning how to cope with new realities and not letting adulthood destroy your mental health. 

If you’re a young adult and you feel like you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone. 

Your mental health faces some of its biggest challenges in young adulthood. Whether it be self-consciousness, depression, FOMO, anxiety, or dealing with uncertainty about the future, this stage in your life can be a very trying time.

So, how do you deal with it? How do you deal with ‘adulting’ and all the anxieties that seemingly come with it? 

1. Accept yourself.

Do you feel like no one ‘gets’ you? Have you always felt like you never quite fit in? Do you feel sidelined or left out of ‘mainstream’ society? 

Accepting yourself is often easier said than done. But please know that there’s acceptance out there, truly. And it needs to start with you. Accept yourself and you’ll find others who’ll love you for you, too. 

Yes, you might feel confused, intimidated, and lonely at times. But, know that there’s a place – and a community – out there that will make you feel safe and appreciated for who you truly are.

1. Practice self-care every day.

Self-care is exactly what it sounds like – doing little things every day to take care of yourself. Self-care doesn’t have to be anything complicated to make a difference. Getting a good night’s sleep, engaging in physical activity, and eating healthy meals – are some things you can do to improve your overall physical and mental health. 

Aside from those, you should also do other things you enjoy. Binge-watch your favorite TV show. Get a massage. Jam to your favorite songs. Whatever it is, just make sure to do something that you truly enjoy. 

1. Seek professional help. 

There’s absolutely no shame in seeking professional help for your mental health. After all, you seek medical help when you’re physically unwell. So why not seek help when you’re struggling emotionally and mentally? 

Whatever you’re struggling with – be it self-esteem issues, or anxiety – know that there’s help available. Talking about your mental health issues not only provides you with guidance. But can also help you better understand your emotions and how to deal with them.

The Struggle is Real, but the key is how we react to the struggle

Adulting can be a struggle, but dealing with your mental health doesn’t have to be. 

If you feel uncomfortable with counseling, give yourself some time to think about it. In the meantime, practice self-care. Learn to accept yourself and allow yourself to feel your emotions. And when you’re ready, know that there’s always help available to you. 

Are you ready to talk to someone? Schedule a consultation today.

With Balance & Wellness,

Shayla Peterson, LCSW

Ctrl Shift NO

It is such an intrinsic part of human DNA to be a people pleaser. There is that unceasing desire inside of us to make sure everyone else is happy- even at our own expense. And I’m willing to bet that, at some point in your life, you’ve felt a sense of guilt in saying no to work, family, or friends.

You most certainly are not alone.

Today’s culture places so much emphasis on pleasing and serving others. We’ve forgotten how to take care of ourselves. We strive so hard to be the best friend, mom, or employee we can be. Many of us over-commit to relationships or work that do more harm than good. And at the time, we may think that that makes us happy.

But wouldn’t it be better that we feel happy not only for the things we do but also for the things we don’t do? Here’s why learning to say ‘no’ is real power.

Saying ‘no’ creates healthy boundaries

You may be used to saying ‘yes’ to everyone and everything all the time. Setting boundaries is a challenging thing to do. Perhaps we got used to taking on more than we can handle to please others, or agree to squeeze in invites to keep from missing out. But saying no to unnecessary extras in our lives allows for more time on what it is we truly value. Saying ‘no’ gives space for the yeses in our lives. It creates space for the people and moments that really matter the most to us.

It’s an art.

Saying ‘no’ is not something that is mastered overnight. That is why many believe that saying no is an art because the only way you get better at it is with practice. Being honest to express your true feelings takes a relationship deeper than the people-pleasing surface. Saying ‘no’ for the first time definitely won’t be easy, but training yourself to stop saying ‘yes’ all the time is worth it in the long-run.

Saying ‘no’ to others means saying ‘yes’ to yourself.

And isn’t that such a powerful thing? You can’t be all things to all people. You may not be in control of other people’s emotions but you are in control of your ability to speak your truth. Remind yourself of the fact that how other people interpret your truth is on them, not you. It’s time to stop dishonoring yourself at the expense of what people will think of you. Say ‘yes’ to yourself, your values, and the people you love.

Listen, I’m not here to tell you that you need to say no to everything. There is always value in yeses but there are just times when no's are far more powerful. So, the next time you find yourself in a situation where you want to say ‘no’ but can’t seem to do so, ask yourself this: how many times have I shown up for them?

Seems a little selfish? Then ask yourself this: how many times have I shown up for myself? You’ll know what to say after that.

Do you think you’re ready to start saying yes to yourself? Let’s chat and schedule today.

A companion journal to working on coping with negative thinking is Hey Sis: 40 days of self-reflection and encouragement, get here.

With Balance & Wellness,

Shayla Peterson, LCSW